If you're secretly worried about giving up the single life-the digs, the name, the freedom-you're not alone. Here, how to handle the shift from Ms. to Mrs.
By: Marg Stark"Should I be getting married?"
Elizabeth, Carol and Isabelle have something else in common. They all secretly wonder if their anxieties about becoming a wife mean they shouldn't be getting married.
Counselors and clergy members tell us there is a difference between normal, healthy matrimonial growing pains, and doubts severe enough that couples should postpone or cancel their weddings. If you are preoccupied by doubt, so that your anxieties about your upcoming marriage outweigh your excitement, or if you are counting on marriage to transform or alleviate serious problems that already exist in your relationship, the experts agree you aren't ready to walk down the aisle.
And keep in mind that every happily married person has had occasion to think, "What have I done? Why did I marry this lunatic?" or "Maybe I'm not marriage material." More important than this ambivalence, experts say, is what couples do in the face of such questions and doubts.
What important steps can you take to ensure that matrimonial growing pains don't get blown out of proportion? How can you feel confident, taking the hand of your beloved and peering ahead into the unknown?
- Banish "all or nothing" thinking. Avoid the extreme emotions to which newlyweds are susceptible—alternately believing their relationship is God's gift to matrimony or a roller coaster from hell. A lifelong love will have many highs and lows.
- Drop your "to do" list and be still. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do, the most generous gesture you can muster, is to do nothing. Wait for time to help you regain perspective. Let the great love you feel work its magic—to heal and restore you.
*These names have been changed to protect privacy.
