If you're secretly worried about giving up the single life-the digs, the name, the freedom-you're not alone. Here, how to handle the shift from Ms. to Mrs.
By: Marg Stark"What if I'm not ‘me' anymore?"
Remember Elizabeth's post-engagement dread? Back when she was dreaming of the day she would get engaged, she could hardly have imagined that a diamond engagement ring could bring on an identity crisis. Yet suddenly that coveted ring made it hard for her to think of herself as an out-there, independent woman, someone who conquered car repairs and plumbing crises without a man's help. The ring ensured that friends and family would make an embarrassing fuss over her—and seemed to guarantee that the world at large would never look at her in quite the same way again.
Even though Elizabeth and her fiancé had dated for six years, their engagement inspired in her a host of unexpected feelings—mostly sadness about leaving one happy period of her life to embrace another. Sometimes brides get so disoriented by these competing emotions that they experience a phenomenon known as jamais vu, a French term that means "never seen." The opposite of déjà vu, jamais vu occurs when you momentarily feel utterly lost, when surroundings and people familiar to you nevertheless feel alien.
Heyn says that too often in courtships and marriages "a woman's real feelings are written out of the script." Brides often feel they must "be happy all the time" and "keep busy" planning the perfect wedding. Yet Heyn's research shows that underneath it all, women fear "going under" in marriage, having the title "wife" usurp their individuality. How can you stay attuned to your true emotions and keep your identity from getting caught in an undertow of tradition?
Break some rules. Sneak out and see your fiancé the night before your wedding. Burn the list of your former psycho boyfriends at your bachelorette party. Flaunt your personality and infuse stuffy wedding traditions with your own flair.
Recognize the enormity of the transition. Don't invite extraneous changes into your life—you have enough going on! While you're making yourself at home in your new life, forgo switching jobs, getting a puppy or buying real estate unless you must.
