It's easy to get into sticky situations--especially when you're about to wed. Brides dish on their etiquette nightmares, and we help you avoid 'em.
Real Bride Confession #1: "I put all of registry info on my wedding invitation. People told me they were happy to know where we had registered!"
This really boils down to a matter of tact. Until recently, the only place you would mention where you registered was with your shower invitation—and even that could cause some raised eyebrows. However, the changing wedding landscape has brought more relaxed wedding etiquette rules. Not only is it acceptable to print your wedding registry information on your shower invite, it’s welcomed. Most wedding etiquette experts today will agree, telling you it's perfectly fine.
Bridal Guide Editor-in-Chief and wedding etiquette expert Diane Forden breaks it down like this: "The purpose of a wedding shower is the gift-giving tradition, so printing your registry details on your shower invite is acceptable," she says. "However, since the primary focus of your wedding is to celebrate a special day, it’s still considered a little tacky to send registry info with your wedding invitation. For now, keep those 'Registered At' notices in the shower invitations only."
You can always use social networks like Facebook and Twitter to spread the word, or even set up your own wedding website (or blog) with all of the details. And don’t forget the oldest “technology”—word of mouth is still a great way to spread the news about where you’re registered without breaking any etiquette rules.
Real Bride Confession #2: "My ex wants to invite his ex-girlfriend to our wedding!"
The ex-factor is one of the great guest list debates. Usually, inviting an ex to your wedding is considered taboo, and rightly so—why would anyone want to be reminded of their future spouse’s past liaisons on one of the happiest days of their life? Jealousy can be a powerful thing. Exes can turn even the most secure couples into playground-stomping, whiny tots. So if you have any doubt, do yourselves a favor—and just opt out of inviting them.
An exception to the rule is when one of you has a child with your ex. If you’ve maintained a good relationship over the years, then it is acceptable to invite your ex to your wedding. But beforehand, find out how your fiancé really feels. If you suspect your loved one is giving you a “no” disguised as a “yes” when it comes to inviting your ex, pull the plug immediately.
Real BrideConfession #3: "One of my bridesmaids never acts excited about my wedding. I want to renege on my decision!"
This is a tricky situation—you’d be wise to tread lightly here. Your goal is to light a fire under her behind or give her an easy out, all while trying to delicately preserve your relationship (after all, you chose her for a reason).
First do a quick bridezilla check. It’s reasonable to have certain expectations of your bridesmaids, just remember that your wedding is probably not the focal point of their existence the way it is of yours. If you’re expecting anyone to fill up her schedule with wedding-prep duties, chances are you’re the one who’s being unreasonable.
If you’ve done an honest self-check and you conclude she’s genuinely not living up to her bridesmaid duties then you have cause for action. The key is to remain calm, even when emotions are riding high. You have a relationship with this person and the goal is to preserve it while bringing her around to your cause.
Start with a friendly phone call to let her know you’ve noticed she hasn’t been a part of things, and make sure to make it about her. If she apologizes and promises to get back on track, then that should be sufficient she may just have needed a friendly reminder.
If your questions elicit a negative reaction, she may be insinuating that she resents your demands on her time. If you pick up on very strong negative feelings, you may want to offer her a friendly “out” by telling her you know she’s swamped and can understand if the extra commitments are simply too much for her right now. At this point, you’ve given her ample opportunity to apologize for her neglectfulness, air any grievances she may have, and if necessary, peacefully remove herself from your bridal party.
Real Bride Confession #4: "I cannot stand my mother in law. At all."
Take comfort in knowing that you’ve got plenty of company: The rivalry between brides and mothers-in-law has been around as long as marriage itself and often brings on a host of difficult feelings for both parties.
If you’re looking to keep the peace, the best thing you can usually do is grit your teeth and try to find some common ground with his mom. Of course, there are limitations to how much teeth-gritting you should have to do. If your future mother-in-law’s advice on any topic ever becomes overly invasive or downright insulting, you definitely have the right to assert yourself. Just don’t fly off the handle—it’ll only make things worse.
