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Pre-Wedding Party Q&As

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It's your turn to be the guest — but the etiquette guidelines still apply. Here, answers about rehearsal dinners, engagement parties and other festivities.

Q: I’m a maid of honor for the first time. I plan the bridal shower, right? I don’t know a thing about giving a shower. What are the rules? 

A: Yes, the maid of honor traditionally plans the bridal shower, often with the help of the bridesmaids. While there are a few guidelines, showers today can be as unique as couples themselves, so you needn’t adhere to any strict formula. The three most important things you need to know:

  • Only guests who are invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.
  • Don’t plan a shower for a holiday weekend, because many guests probably won’t be able to make it.
  • Try to choose a time that won’t be too hectic for the bride—at least a month before the wedding. Even two months isn’t unreasonable, especially if you want it to be a surprise.

Expect the shower to last three to four hours. Guests generally arrive a half hour or so before the bride, so everyone is there to welcome her or shout ’’surprise!’’ Then the bride makes her round of greetings and the food is served.

After everyone has finished eating, the bride heads for her seat of honor and begins opening her gifts. Bridesmaids should stand by to help with the unwrapping, and an attendant should record from whom each gift came. Cards should be placed in each box to make sure no gift giver goes unidentified.

Afterwards, cake and coffee are served, and the party begins to break up. As maid of honor, you’ll probably also want to see that arrangements are made for the bride to get all of her gifts home.

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Barbara replied on

My son is getting married and his Uncle isn't attending, but his Aunt is, she is requesting to bring her 30 year old daughter who is my sons cousin but they are not close, she also has a 4 year old, there will be other children. Is it proper for his Aunt to ask this of him?. They are traveling by car 1200 miles and making a vacation out of the trip. thanks, Barbara [email protected]

kklein replied on

Considering that the original invitation was extended to both your son’s aunt and uncle and that she is traveling 1,200 miles by car to be there, I don’t think she can be faulted for asking if it is OK to have her daughter take the place of her husband or to bring a child (especially since there will be other children there). She’ll feel more comfortable and safer traveling that distance by car if she has a companion (as would I!). Many people who travel far to a wedding do make a vacation out of the trip, and who can blame them? They are spending time and money and no doubt want to enjoy a location they may have never visited before. Your son should let her know that her daughter and child are welcome and that he appreciates the effort she is making to be there. -Diane Forden, Editor in Chief of Bridal Guide

texevie replied on

We are the grooms parents and have helped the couple with some of the wedding expenses but the brides parents have offered no financial help at all. Only criticism. We are prepared to pay for the rehearsal dinner as well, and have been informed that a large group of the brides family is from out of town and planning to attend this wedding..are we required to invite all of the out of towners to the rehearsal dinner? I would prefer to not spend a lot of money on the rehearsal if the brides parents are not willing to share in the expense....Kind of feels like we would be paying for their family reunion.

kklein replied on

Great question! These days, it's not expected that all out-of-towners will be invited to the rehearsal dinner, It's perfectly acceptable to limit the party to just immediate family and bridal party members. Perhaps you can suggest that the bride's family hosts a cocktail party at the hotel that same evening for out-of-town guests. Another hospitable gesture is to host a farewell brunch the morning after the wedding.

MollyDeeee replied on

We are having a destination wedding where we are only inviting our immediate family, but we want to have a very casual reception/party at home for all of our other friends and family. Would it be acceptable to have our reception before we leave to our vacation?

manju monga replied on

wedding or pre wedding photography is always good it is a great way to express and capture feelings you can visit at http://www.studioinhouse.com/pre-wedding-photography.html

Katiekakes replied on

I have asked my 6 best friends and my fiancé's 2 sisters to be bridesmaids at our wedding. I couldn't choose any 1 person as my MOH so I don't have one. 1 of my girlfriends took the lead on planning the bachelorette party but no one has stepped up to plan/host my bridal shower. I don't want to make any of them feel obligated to be in charge of that so what would be the move here?

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