...so why is he letting you call all the shots? Here's how to get him motivated to plan a wedding that reflects you both.
By: Patricia KingGive him the details
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Top 10 Man-Friendly Duties Maybe your fiancé’s excellent handwriting can grace invitation envelopes, or his knack for flower-arranging rivals that of your florist. No? Yours is more a typical guy? Here are 10 tasks he may be inclined to tackle. But before you start assigning, make sure he’s ready and willing! • Booking a band/DJ and writing up a playlist • Going for a menu tasting • Planning the honeymoon • Keeping track of the finances • Booking bridal-party transportation • Creating a signature cocktail • Keeping track of guest responses • Registering (especially at a store that features gun scanners) • Giving you a stress-relief massage (and receiving one for himself!) • Planning the rehearsal dinner |
When Amy Lutzky, 27, of Washington, D.C., was planning her November 2000 wedding, details threatened to overwhelm her. To ease some of Amy's anxiety, she and her fiancé, Steve, met with a wedding planner. "I didn't know if Steve understood how much work was involved, until the planner started listing all the tiny details, from the color of the linens to the seating chart," says Amy. After that meeting, Steve offered to pitch in—and did enough so that they no longer needed outside assistance.
Put his interests to use
Is your fiancé an accountant? Have him draw up a budget. If he's a writer, put him in charge of the vows or the invitation wording. In setting up a two-person plan of attack early on, Rachel Lipkin, 25, of Framingham, Massachusetts, asked her fiancé, David, which tasks sparked his interests or enthusiasm—then asked if he would mind committing to them, start to finish. "David loves photography, and he's good at it, so he really wanted to meet all the photographers and see their work before we chose someone. And I was pleasantly surprised at how important choosing the reception location and the band's playlist were to him, too," says Rachel. Tip: Proceed with an open mind. You never know what might grab his interest.
Change your perspective
Before you start planning that fantasy-fuelled extravaganza, stop. Forget the whole wedding idea for a minute. Sit down with your fiancé and pretend you're planning a New Year's Eve or birthday party instead. What would be the most important aspect of your shindig? What would you spend the most money on? What's relatively less important? "If you approach it—for a few minutes, anyway—as a laid-back party that the two of you are throwing together, it becomes less intimidating, and you'll get more involvement, input and help from your guy," says Blum.
