Avoid Wedding-Day Disasters

Disaster Scenario #3: A Loved One Falls Ill or Dies

When a family member passes away before the wedding, the issue is not so much a financial matter as it is an emotional one. "You'll have to ask yourselves, ‘Do we want to postpone our marriage, which is the start of our new life together, in order to grieve?' " says Allison Moir-Smith, a bridal counselor fromBrookline, Massachusetts. Many couples come to the conclusion that while the death of a loved one was an ending, their wedding is a beginning—and that life must go on.

If you purchased wedding insurance, know that you will be covered if you choose to cancel in the event of a death. But if you decide to proceed, "You must embrace the fact that the grief is going to be part of the day," says Moir-Smith. One thing that may ease the pain just a bit is to acknowledge the loss of the family member during the ceremony and reception. For instance, consider mentioning the person in the program and ask your officiant to explain the situation during the service. At the reception, you can lead a toast to the person or invoke a moment of silence.

If illness prevents a loved one from attending your wedding, you'll also have to grapple with feelings of loss. "It tore me apart to get married without my parents in attendance," says Kurt Emhoff, of New York City, whose mother and father were both homebound with cancer. But after their destination wedding in Puerto Rico, Kurt and his wife, Laurena, had a second reception in Kurt's hometown of Erie, Pennsylvania, and both of his parents were well enough to join the festivities.

"The reception in Erie was wonderful, but it was the last party my parents would attend," says Kurt, whose mom and dad passed away in December of that year. "The events were bittersweet for me, as you can only experience so much joy when your parents are hurting like mine were. Still, I have great memories."