Experiencing the loss of anyone close to you is devastating, and grieving while wedding planning can feel impossible, especially when it’s someone who you thought would be standing beside you on your special day. Our wedding experts share how to navigate this difficult process and ways that you can pay homage to your loved one’s memory through it all.
By: Meghan Ely
Photo: Nikki Golden Photography
"Give yourself the time you need to process and grieve. So many things about wedding planning can seem urgent, and while some things have true deadlines, most have leeway. Work with your wedding planner (if you have one) to figure out either how to take a break, how to step back from planning, or how to simplify planning to make it easier. If you don’t have a wedding planner, now is a great time to get one. Yes, it requires you to go through the process of hiring someone, but being able to push the responsibility onto someone else means you don’t have to drive the process. Your wedding planner will help you stay organized and make decisions quickly and efficiently. They’ll also be able to help you postpone the wedding if that is needed and/or make changes depending on the situation." —Jamie Chang, Mango Muse Events
"Don't feel rushed or pressured into adding or subtracting anything right away. If you are doing your own planning or have hired a team, know that support will be the biggest thing you will need up to your day and on your day. If your loved one was especially close, you may burst into tears off and on, and that is OK. Wedding days are about love and embracing all that goes with it, and being emotional means you cared enough to love someone big!" —Jen Sulak, Weirdo Weddings
"Be open about if you would like to talk about the person or not. Vendors may have general questions that would involve the person you've lost, and sometimes, instead of assuming that all parties are alive and will be present, it's helpful for a heads-up so we can help you navigate ways to honor and remember your loved ones. Depending on when the loved one passes in the wedding planning process, you may have to have a conversation about how much you can really put into the wedding at the time vs. postponing, scaling, putting a pause on planning, etc. We hear in comfort that the family member or friend would obviously want you to continue with the planning. Weddings are already emotional. You may have to really sit down and understand if it's still a good time and ask yourself if you can find the happiness you and your partner deserve while trying to celebrate in a difficult time -- enough to continue with the wedding you want planned without causing any more overwhelming feelings. Wedding planning is hard, but grief definitely can be ruthless." —Penny Haas, Penny Haas, LLC\
"What people don’t tell you about death is how it affects not just your emotions and how you feel but your actual brain. There are neurological responses to grief that result in various forms of brain fog (I can attest to this firsthand). It takes longer to think through things, to come up with solutions, to get things done. It’s harder to remember things. You’re unable to function at the pace and complexity that you’re normally used to. This means you also make dumb mistakes or miss things because you’re not 'on it' in the way you usually are. This is normal. You have to give yourself some grace and just know that it will take time. Having a good support system in your life helps a lot, which also means a good vendor team for your wedding can make this challenging time easier as well." —Jamie Chang, Mango Muse Events
"It's important to extend a little grace to yourself. Yes, you can embrace your excitement about your wedding and also the grief of losing a loved one. If possible, allow yourself a break from wedding planning. Depending on where you are in your planning process, that might be a week, a couple of days, or a month. Unplugging from wedding planning and connecting with friends and family is tantamount at this time to healing. Remember, you can lean on your wedding vendors for guidance and support. As vendors, we understand life takes precedence over wedding planning. If you have a wedding planner or coordinator reach out to them and share your intention for moving forward or how they might help you. Discuss what options you have, and if postponing for a later date comes with any other additional logistics.” —Sarah Blessinger, Kindred Weddings & Events
“Loss and grief are very real, as are joy and celebration. Your wedding is a testament to love and the future, and your lost loved one would want you to embrace the beauty, elation, and wonder your wedding can bring. They would want you to honor them in the way they would love to see you best, with a push-forward smile and a twinkle in your eye. Remember, your wedding is a celebration of love and life, and it's okay to feel joy amidst the grief.” —Sarah Chianese, Mangia and Enjoy!
Above all, it’s important to remember that you have options, and there’s no wrong answer. Postponing your celebration or moving forward with your wedding is a decision that’s completely up to you and your partner — make sure to do what’s best for you!
Meghan Ely is the owner of wedding PR agency firm OFD Consulting. Ely is a sought-after speaker and a self-professed royal wedding enthusiast.
