Experts share their top tips for keeping the peace during the planning process.
By: Meghan ElyGetting engaged is an incredibly exciting time, and in taking your relationship to the next level, you (understandably) want nothing but positivity as you plan your celebration. But with wedding planning often comes unsolicited advice and negative opinions, and sometimes from those you wouldn't expect. Here, experts share how to navigate.
Photo: DeLine Photography
"The truth is, whenever we are doing something exciting or something that is important to us, there are going to be voices of negativity. It can be so hurtful to hear critique from the people we love when we are so excited to marry our person. Sometimes their negativity comes from a good place, but sometimes the negativity we hear from others isn't even about us, or our wedding." —Leah Pieper, Leah Pieper Photography
"Donors are not shareholders. Many couples feel extra pressure when the comment-maker is footing the bill. But just because someone is contributing financially doesn't mean they get a seat at the decision-making table. If someone's gift comes with conditions, it's okay to step back and re-evaluate whether you would like to move forward without it. Gratitude is important, but your wedding does not need to turn into a group project if you do not want it to." —Carmen Hinebaugh, Evermore Occasions
"Being caught off guard by a negative comment can leave you speechless or responding with a knee-jerk reaction that might not be exactly what you wanted to say, so having a thought-out response in your back pocket is a good idea. Something as simple as, 'While we really appreciate you sharing your thoughts, what we have chosen is best for us overall.' Being firm, yet kind and respectful, will help shut down any negative vibes." —Kelley Nudo, Momental Designs
"I always just tell my couples to simply ignore any unsolicited or negative advice when it comes to planning their wedding. Everyone has different opinions and suggestions on how they would do things, but at the end of the day, it is not their wedding day — and it really doesn't matter. As long as what you are planning and doing for your wedding aligns with what you and your partner want, that is all that matters." —Emily Reno, Elopement Las Vegas
"Protect yourself from ill advice and clashing requests by having a professional on your side. Hire a wedding planner and you always have someone to hold your hand through seating arrangements, ceremony line-ups, dietary restrictions, travel tips, and more to make your guests feel at ease — and, most importantly, keep your beautiful mind sane. Wedding planners are a valuable resource, as oftentimes they’ve handled family drama, attention-seeking guests, and last-minute requests (cue the shellfish allergy text the morning of the big day). There will always be something not-so-positive that comes up, and having a pro on your side to help you through the moments will feel like a lifesaver." —Carin Hunt, Coconut Palm Inn
"Be selective about what you share with whom. When you're knee-deep in planning a wedding that feels authentically you, and you see the details coming together, and you have the vendor team of your dreams, it's easy to forget that not everyone in your circle will be as enthusiastic about your favorite details as you are. For example, if one partner has non-traditional wedding attire that they adore but that a particular family member might be less than impressed by, in some cases, it may be wiser to keep the attire a secret until the wedding day." —Elena Markwood, Adoration Weddings & Events
"You really only get to have a wedding planning experience one time. Choose joy and excitement whenever you can. If it's fun for you, have multiple planning date nights, have many cake tastings just because, and celebrate your engagement era often because it will come to a close soon." —Erin Dabbs, Erin Ren Photography
"I always remind the couple that it is 'your day, your way,' and for the majority of my weddings as a destination planner, people have all traveled and made a real effort to be there. I remind the couple all the time that this is special in itself because it is probably the one time that all of their favorite people are in the same room. Stop and take it in and enjoy every minute. The silly stuff doesn't matter." —Lisa Radlovacki, Lisa London Weddings & Events
While their intentions may be pure, family and friends can end up projecting feelings from their own experiences and tastes, but it’s important to stick to your boundaries. As long as you prioritize you and your partner’s wishes, that’s all that matters!
Meghan Ely is the owner of wedding PR and wedding marketing firm OFD Consulting. Ely is a sought-after speaker and a self-professed royal wedding enthusiast.
