As the poet Robert Burns wrote, “The best laid plans of mice and men/Often go awry.” The days leading up to our wedding seemed to pass faster and faster, and the realization that we were only four weeks away finally set in. A mixture of anxiety, excitement, urgency, and happiness overcame my fiancée Claudia and I. Our 250-person seating chart was almost finalized, dresses had been altered to size, vendors were all confirmed and the wedding-day timeline was complete. All that was left to do was sit back and wait for the wedding to arrive.
Then the unthinkable happened and we were shaken from our happy state — my grandfather fell ill and passed away quickly. He was the patriarch of our family for nearly 60 years, and at 85 years old, he was still very active and health conscious, serving as a role model and mentor to all of us. Family from across the country arrived into town to pay their respects, say goodbye, and comfort my grandmother. During this time, many family members also regretfully indicated to us that they would no longer be able to make the trip out for our wedding. Considering the circumstances, this was understandable: Our hearts were heavy and the sting of loss remained fresh and real in the following weeks.
Photo Credit: Stephen Martin Photography
Claudia and I were faced with the most difficult decision of our wedding planning: How could we honor my grandfather without dampening the mood of our celebration? After much deliberation, and consulting with other couples who have also been through this heartache, here's what we did.
1. First, Talk to Your Family
This was the most important thing we did. Our family, especially my grandmother, had just been through a very traumatic event. Surprises would have made things worse (even if our intentions behind them were good).
For example, we thought leaving an empty seat with my grandfather's name at the wedding would have been thoughtful, but my grandmother indicated that this would have been too difficult for her. So we asked her and the rest of our family what they would be comfortable with, instead. We suggested alternative options and listened to their ideas and concerns, taking their feelings into consideration when planning the ceremony and reception.
Photo Credit: Paper Antler on Inspired by This via Lover.ly
2. A Moment of Reflection
We asked our ceremony officiant to include a moment of silence for "all of our loved ones that could not be here with us today." This was said at the beginning of the ceremony and it gave all of our guests the opportunity to reflect on all of their lost loved ones.
As Claudia and I stood at the altar, and our officiant made the announcement, I glanced at my grandmother and smiled. It was a beautiful and comforting moment for both of us.
Photo Credit: Stephen Martin Photography
3. Saying "Thank You"
When Claudia and I first consulted with David Tutera (read about our winning contest entry here), we told him we not only wanted to make our wedding a celebration of our union as a couple, but also express our gratitude for all of the important people who have supported us throughout our lives. One idea we came up with was to publicly acknowledge my grandparents and Claudia's parents. They are our role models and have taught us so much about patience, unconditional love, effort, and the meaning of "till death do us part."
After obtaining the approval of my grandmother, we went along with our original plan of honoring both couples (who together, have been married over 100 years!). We briefly explained that my grandfather had recently passed but his spirit with remain with us forever. We were careful not to dwell too much on it so that our guests were touched, yet the mood remained pleasant.
Photo Credit: Lauren Larsen on Southern Weddings via Lover.ly
4. Paying Tribute Through Song
If the idea of publically acknowledging your lost loved one is just too painful, consider selecting a song that held special significance to both of you as a private tribute. I danced with my grandmother and shared a very beautiful moment with her. Only she, Claudia, and my family understood the meaning of that particular song, and in the end, that is all that mattered.
Photo Credit: Corey Ann Photography
5. Forever Flowers
Although some of our family members weren't able to make it to the wedding, many were still in attendance. Claudia and I decided to allow our family members to take all of the reception flowers home with them, and it was understood that on the following day, we would all them to my grandfather's resting place at the cemetary. It was a wonderful opportunity for all of us to get together again and leave a beautiful remnant from our wedding day for him!
There are many ways to honor a loved one who has passed without saddening your guests or dampening the mood. Only our families knew the meaning behind most of the tributes that we made to acknowledge my grandfather's presence. It brought my family comfort and made my wedding day even more meaningful.
—Rigo Garcia
Meet the winners of our Pin to Win a Dream Wedding Design by David Tutera Contest, Rigo Garcia and Claudia Hernandez! Claudia is a registered nurse in the surgery department, which is where she met her fiancé Rigo Garcia, a nurse anesthetist. They became best friends and fell in love with very little effort, a trend that continues today. They were married on June 8, 2013 and they planned a fabulous wedding filled with traditions, entertainment, surprises, and many unique ideas inspired, in part, by David Tutera.
