The Broke-Ass Bride's Wedding Guide empowers couples with the simple philosophy that it's not about how much you spend but how you spend it. As author Dana LaRue says, "You're only planning a party, so have fun with it." You don't need to give up your savings, the possibility of a downpayment on a house, or your sanity to plan a celebration that is meaningful and inspired. Here, Dana shares her advice on how to broach the dreaded "money talk" with your parents.
Whether you’re relying on strangers (or family), here's how to tactfully handle any potential wedding contributions. Ditch what "the rules" dictate: Ye olde traditions of the bride's side paying for "this" and the groom's side paying for "that" have become a bit antiquated in recent years, so those rules don't have to apply.
1. Have a frank conversation.
Make sure to speak openly with your families about your hopes and expectations for the wedding, and leave room in the conversation for them to offer assistance if it’s within their means.
2. Manage your expectations.
In this day and age, a level of expectancy or entitlement regarding financial support can lead to a letdown, or worse, conflict and hurt feelings on both sides. If your families are on hard times (as so many have been in recent years), expecting them to cough up enough to cover your wedding isn’t exactly practical or fair. So be respectful of the fact that everyone is struggling, and be super-grateful for any support they offer.
3. Brainstorm alternatives.
If they can’t help financially, think of ways they can help in terms of investment of time or service. Can your mom sew? Would your dad be willing to research hotel room costs for your guests? Would your future father-in-law be able to trade carpentry work for a discounted service with one of your vendors? The gift of time and effort can be worth more than money, when time is tight.
4. Expect input for investment.
Take into consideration that sometimes when you accept financial support, those who contributed money may expect a certain amount of say in decisions about the guest list, design, or execution of your wedding. Some people I know have turned down money from their families because their desire for freedom in planning was greater than their desire for financial help. Others do just fine compromising with their family’s wishes in exchange for the money. It’s up to you.
5. The power of please and thank you.
Remember that there is no such thing as showing too much gratitude. Remind your family, friends, and hired help that you are thrilled to have their assistance as often as possible. And don’t underestimate the power of the gesture — a simple bundle of flowers, a thoughtful batch of home-baked brownies, or a surprise bottle of wine are great, unexpected ways to say "I appreciate you," smooth over any bridezilla moments you may have (Oh, what, you don’t think you will? Just wait), and generate loads of goodwill among your crew.
Photo Credit: iStock
—Dana LaRue, as seen in The Broke-Ass Bride's Wedding Guide. Published with permission from Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House Company, New York. ©2013 Broke-Ass Media, Inc.
The Broke-Ass Bride's Wedding Guide approaches wedding budgeting challenges as opportunities to be creative, and teaches engaged couples how to get more for less. In her signature sassy, chatty voice, author Dana LaRue gives hardworking and helpful tips, such as how to negotiate with vendors like a pro, and ideas for inventive (and affordable) engagement parties, DIY recipes, decorations, and more.
- ssainato's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
