How to Postpone or Cancel Your Wedding

Marriage is one of life’s most exciting milestones, but a wedding can make even the most enthusiastic bride anxious. The new book, Stuff Every Bride Should Know by Michelle Park Lazette, breaks down the basics to planning a wedding. Here, Lazette discusses a question every bride hopes she never has to deal with.

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Planning a wedding can become an uncomfortable juggling act of other people’s feelings. It can stress out even the most compatible couples. If you and your spouse-to-be are fighting more, here’s what to do.

Step back. Evaluate your motives. Are you arguing because the boutonnieres will have lasting importance, or are there deeper issues? If you suspect your tensions are rooted in the stress of wedding planning, remember: it is one day.

Deal with parents. If your issues involve parents (very common during wedding planning), don’t be afraid to tell them you are grateful for their support but they need to allow you and your spouse-to-be to create a wedding that reflects you.

Think big picture. What truly matters is that, by the end of it all, you two will be happy and married.

Making the Call

If a voice in your head still says something isn’t right, it may be best to postpone or cancel. Kathy Dawson, an Ohio-based relationship coach, says, “What is your motive for not canceling? If the answer is, ‘I don’t want to cancel because people are expecting it,’ that is the worst reason to get married.” Don’t let what others will think or the money already spent paralyze you. “Seriously, in the big picture, it’s money. You’ll make more. This is your life you’re talking about.”

Consider seeing a counselor or a relationship coach like Kathy, who in her twenties married although it didn’t feel right. She has since divorced, remarried, and coached couples for more than twenty years through her practice, Kathy the Coach.

Spreading the Word

You aren’t the first bride to postpone or cancel a wedding (and you won’t be the last). Making this decision is a difficult move, but your guests will respect it. A few tips:

Tell those closest to you. They should find out first, and face-to-face if possible. Develop an elevator speech, don’t be too specific if you two are trying to work things out, and repeat your vague statement if people ask you to say more. If you stick to your boundaries, they’ll stop asking.

Tell everyone else. Handle your lists of invitees together, or divide it up and inform your section in your own way. Sending snail mail announcements is one way to formally and maturely inform would-be guests.

Ask for space. If you’re postponing, ask people to respect your privacy. Assure them that you’ll let them know if and when the wedding is back on the calendar.

Coping

The end of a relationship is a raw, confusing time. Take care of yourself. Work out. Take a trip, or have close friends visit. Cry. Write down your feelings. See a professional. Grieve. Dig deep to gauge whether you’re mourning the future you envisioned or the person from whom you’ve parted. Cry some more. And when you feel like it, smile again.

—Michelle Park Lazette