Etiquette Q&A: "Who Should Give the Wedding Toasts?"

Photo Credit: Hugh Forte on The Wedding Chicks via Lover.ly

Q: Who should give the toasts at the rehearsal dinner and wedding, and how do they differ for each event?

A: Good question, since toasts do vary for each occasion. At the rehearsal dinner, for example, the atmosphere is often laid-back and informal. The toasts begin with the host of the evening (usually the groom’s father, but both of his parents can do the honors), then the best man, followed by the groom to his bride and her family and then the bride to the groom and his family. Other guests who wish to say a few words may also join in. And, since it’s usually a more intimate gathering, the toasts can be a little longer and more lighthearted than those given at the wedding reception.

When you and your fiancé take your turns to speak (if you choose to do so), it’s a nice gesture to say some kind words about your future spouse as well as to thank both sets of parents for their love and support. Your fiancé can finish up the speaking portion of the evening with a few last words to the group.

At the wedding, the toasts should be shorter — no more than three or four minutes — and a bit more formal. The best man always has the honor of giving the first toast either right before or immediately after the main meal is served. After he speaks, the maid of honor will then extend her good wishes. Many couples also give toasts — to each other and to their family and friends. The couple’s toast takes place either after the best man and maid of honor are finished or at the end of the evening before guests begin to leave.

—Diane Forden