Knees knocking at the prospect of 200 eyes glued on your walk down the aisle? Here, how to quell stage fright before and during your premiere as Mrs. Married.
By: Hollee ActmanWalking the Walk
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If Panic Strikes Trembling hands. Shortness of breath. Heart palpitations…. If your nerves do start to get the better of you on your big day, experts offer these ideas to help tame your terror. • Breathe! Before the ceremony, take a minute alone and stand with your back, heels, and head pressed against a wall. Take three deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Once you have exhaled all the "bad energy," turn around and face the wall. Push against it with your hands as hard as you can until you feel your anxiety subsiding. During the ceremony, think about a special moment and breathe deeply four or five times to calm down. Remind yourself that you are in control. • Get a grip. If the reception overwhelms you, sit down and tightly grasp the sides of your chair. When you rise, imagine leaving your disquietude behind. • Take five. Or fifteen: Immediately after the ceremony—or whenever you need a time-out during the reception—grab a few minutes alone with your spouse to regain your composure. Philadelphia–based wedding photographer Phil Kramer even encourages nervous brides and grooms to meet each other privately before the ceremony. "It breaks the ice," he explains. "Once the bride and groom connect they tend to relax and calm each other down." • Spray away! As for those sweaty palms, etiquette coach Audrey Kardon suggests spritzing your palms with anti-perspirant an hour or two before the ceremony to combat nervous clamminess. It sounds crazy, but it helps keep hands dry. Another option? Wear gloves! |
For many brides, the most nerve-racking moment of the wedding day is the actual walk down the aisle. Tracy Dansky, a real-estate analyst from Caldwell, New Jersey, couldn't get past the fact that 175 pairs of eyes would be glued to her every move. "I was anxious for months beforehand," she remembers. "I shook every time I tried on my dress, my stomach ached, and I lost about 10 pounds even though I was eating regularly."
Tracy's reaction is not unfounded—after all, that walk is your big debut in front of both groom and guests, a scary prospect that can unnerve even the most self-assured and poised women. To assuage fear, Audrey Kardon, an etiquette coach in Palm Beach, Florida, suggests practicing the bridal walk several times during your rehearsal. "The more you practice," she says, "the more confident you'll be."
Even just visualizing the walk can be calming. With the coaching of a therapist who helped her imagine herself walking down the aisle while remaining relaxed, Tracy boosted her courage. These mental rehearsals also helped her realize that her fiancé's presence at the altar made her feel "safe." She decided to concentrate on him during the first few minutes to help alleviate some of her fears.
The opposite strategy proved successful for Mindy Holender, a stay-at-home mom in Philadelphia. For her, scanning the crowd loosened her up. "When the church doors opened I was so nervous that everything was a blur," she recalls. Nonplused, the bride took a deep breath and focused on guests' smiling faces. "Once I connected with them and absorbed all the emotion in the room," she says, "I felt less like I was on display." And don't forget the person walking with you down the aisle! Glancing at your dad (or whomever) and squeezing his arm can provide enormous mental—and physical—support.
Luckily, experts say it's not unusual for a serene calm to envelop the bride as she takes her first few steps. It happened to Tracy, who was cool as a rock star when she floated down the aisle at her outdoor wedding last fall, despite the fact that it was raining and the best man forgot the rings. If you don't begin to relax a few bars into "Here Comes the Bride," there are ways to project an assured image nonetheless. Walk tall! Hold your head high, don't slump or fidget, and smile. Or, think about a special moment—say, the instant you knew you were madly, deeply in love—right before you begin your march. You'll start to relax in spite of yourself.
And don't forget: You're inviting guests to share this very special moment with you. Embrace their joy at your wedding instead of being daunted by your demons. It is, after all, one of the biggest days of your life. But then, you knew that already.
Buy the Book: Order Yoga For Your Spiritual Muscles by Rachel Schaeffer (Quest Books, 1998) from Amazon.com.
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